Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
be right there i have to get my cape
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
