miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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