Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
