the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
