Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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