I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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