Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
