Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
