Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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