I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
