I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
