Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize