is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
