She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize