I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
