apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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