Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
