Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
