I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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