Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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