I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize