Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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