Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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