That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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