You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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