just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
