Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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