Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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