cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
