there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
