It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
