The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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