Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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