I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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