put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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