I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
