a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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