I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
