my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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