So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
