just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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