I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
