I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to have your abortion
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
