omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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