Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
