you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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