I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
