But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
