I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
