mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
