I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When are your genitals available?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
