Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
