Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
