i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
