I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What drink are we having for lunch?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
