she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think i got beer on your cat.
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