oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize