hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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