just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
