He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize