the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
