Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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