i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
