he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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