There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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