Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize