Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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